I Bi Dem: Woman, Wife, Mother

I asked my six-year-old niece about what Christmas means and she quickly informed me that it is all about presents. Of course, I agreed with her because it is true.  Christmas is all about giving and receiving presents. And don't we all delight to receive one or two? Christmas is all about God giving us the best gift of all - Himself in our form to reconcile us back to Himself. I explained to her that Christmas is also a lovely time for us to give God presents - our hearts and lives. As we celebrate, let's ask ourselves if we have prepared our hearts as presents for the Lord who we should be celebrating this season. Or are we so concerned about all the other things that we can't or don't even have a heart to present to Him? He will not take a heart filled with sin, bitterness, and unforgiveness but he is willing and able to help us prepare our hearts for Him by giving us grace to love, forgive and live for Him. In the end, we would have given ourselves presents

The word of God is forever new and we learn new truths each time we read it. Let me share an old story that has a new meaning for me.  It is from the story of Abraham, Sarah and Hagar. You will find the story in Genesis 15 - 21. There are so many lessons to learn from these three people but let me concentrate on just one today. I guess you remember how Sarah decided to give her supper to the cat by giving her Egyptian maid to Abraham to have a child on her behalf. And of course you will also remember the drama that ensued from that decision. Well, human meddling does not change the plans of God.  He still insisted on the initial plan of a legitimate son being the one He would use for His plan for mankind. Even when Abraham begged on behalf of Hagar's son, God did not budge. It occurred to me that the focus was not on the father, Abraham alone, but also on Sarah as the mother. God wanted use Sarah's son through Abraham. The mother matters.! Note that Abraham had many

The rain started gently, slowly and it was welcomed as the humidity was high and we looked forward to the rain for some respite from the heat. I was on the phone and did not give the rain much of a thought but I decided to unplug the television based on past experience of lightening damaging electrical appliances.   However, within a few minutes, the dynamics changed with lightening followed swiftly by thunder. Suddenly the room brightened up from the lightening; there was a massive thunder and everything went black and silent. The extent of the damage was only discovered the next day. Garage doors, alarm system, TV, lights and internet were all blown away by the thunder. Needless to complain about the cost in cash and kind to effect repairs.   The experience taught me to appreciate what I have and take nothing for granted. Of all the systems grounded by the thunderstorm, I would say the internet affected me the most. We use the Wi-Fi for the TV, the phones and of course, the com

I have had many opportunities to listen to many great academic and spiritual personalities. You can’t remain the same once you have listened to some messages or lectures. While it is not likely that you will remember everything you have heard, you often cannot forget a sentence, a phrase, an illustration or a joke. Those stay with you forever. One of such moments for me was a sermon preached by late Professor Emeritus, Adeoye Adeniyi, who was the Vice Chancellor of University of Ilorin a few decades ago. He was also a deacon in Emmanuel Baptist Church Ilorin. I can’t remember the title of the sermon but I believe that he spoke about students’ unrest in higher institutions and the family.   What has stayed with me for almost thirty years is his plea to parents to ensure that their children know they are welcomed at home no matter the mistakes they have made in the schools. I wonder if this advice is a worthwhile one; if parents know what this means and how it can be achieved. I

I can’t remember the number of times I have had to stand before a closed store with a ‘closed for stock-taking’ sign. The sign is very annoying especially when I urgently need the item in question. Sometimes I wonder why they have to do the stock-taking during the business hours when they could be making money. Over time I have come to accept and even understand how important it is, as much as it disrupts my shopping plan. I realise that they need to update records; know what has been sold, what is left, what products need to be bought to restock the store and of course the profit or loss made. Without proper stock-taking, a store will have no idea how it is faring and may soon have to close down. The same principle of stock-taking should apply in our lives as well. There is a need to take stock of how we are faring in different areas of our lives. We need to take time to look at our lives dispassionately and ask some pertinent questions. Personal stock-taking, like that of the sto

I don’t know how many of you have been in situations where you have prayed and fasted and nothing seems to be happening. In fact, the situation seemed to be getting worse. You move on to bind and cast and laminate as my husband will say and yet the problems or issues seem to have just purchased a recliner and made themselves comfortable in your life. I wonder if you have been in such situations. I have from time to time.   I have heard while listening to biblical teachings that what to do at such times is to praise God. Really? Praise? What for? I haven’t received answers, so what should I praise God for? Bear with me while I unpack what I have learnt. Praise is warfare that puts dread on the problem, shifts your focus to see beyond the problem and ensures victory no matter how the situation turns out. Oftentimes we think that we fight best when we are able to defend our grounds or when we don’t give the enemy a chance on our side. But how about taking the battle to the enemy’s g

Imagine you sent your child to buy something on a ‘buy a product and get something free’ promo and the child comes home with only the free something but not the product the gift is attached to. How would you feel? In our local markets in Southwest Nigeria, we often ask for extra from the seller especially when buying grains. We call it "jara". It is over and above the purchase quantity. Whatever is put in a measure is not considered extra until the measure is full to the brim. Only then does the concept of ‘jara’ makes sense. It will be stupidity to ask for only the ‘jara’ and not the real measure. Yet, that is how most of us live our lives. We focus on, strive after, chase after the 'jara', and even give up the main for the extra. In Matthew 6:33, the Lord instructed us to focus on the main with a promise that He will give the ‘jara’. He directs us to what He considers the main thing. He says, ‘But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these thi

My son likes to watch fantasy sci-fi films. So I do too by association and interestingly I have been able to follow (in a manner of speaking) the story lines. I got hooked up on Star Wars for a while and I have watched The Flash, Supergirl, Arrow, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow and the like. It is nice to escape to the world of unreal and make-believe. Sometime, I laugh loud at some of the actions or the things taken for granted in these films but wish that I have some of the superhuman abilities of the characters. Wouldn’t it be nice to move from place to place in a flash and get all I need to do just like that? Or be able to lift heavy objects, create electricity, heat and frost at will? What a life that will be! My favourite superhuman power is the characters’ ability to travel within different worlds and to go back and forth into the past and future. Some of characters are able to go back to the past to correct mistakes and right the wrongs. They create different timelines and the

God calls us to partner with Him in two special ways. First, in witnessing through words and action; secondly through prayers. No force on earth can compare with the power of prayers. It is inviting the all-powerful Creator to intervene in our affairs.   Prayer changes situations; not always the way we want, but the way it is needed. The best gift one can give anyone is the gift of prayers. Time spent praying - interceding for someone is always time well spent and we all need to have people to stand in the gap for us at one time or another. I am a confirmed believer in the efficacy of prayers. For me coincidences do not happen. I know beyond all doubts that God is at work all the time. Knowing how powerful prayer is and how important it is for us to pray for others, the antagonist on the stage of life always wants to ensure that that bond of cooperation between man and God does not happen. Satan tries his best to make sure that no prayer goes on and if it does, it is not effe

Insecurity is something that plagues the best of us at different times for different reasons. We feel insecure about various issues like our physical appearance, competence at some tasks or skills and relationships among many others.  It is often expressed as a feeling of anxiety about one’s ability, lack of confidence and feeling vulnerable. We all have some of these feelings at one point or the other. Not to do so will make us narcissist. It is when it becomes a way of life that it becomes a problem. Feeling insecure can rob you of all joy and make you less competent than you really are. No one is born feeling insecure; we learn it as we go through life from experiences like what others say or do to us, our past failures or our take on life issues. The fact that insecurity can keep you from being all that God has planned you to be is enough reason to root it out of your life.  A good way to start is to have a correct opinion of yourself. See yourself the way God sees you. Than

I wasn't great in Maths at school; in fact I sucked at it. I can't remember 90% of what we were taught. Thank God that I managed to master some simple calculations that I need for everyday life. And thank Him for calculators, conversion tables and Google to help with ‘adult school’. One of the few things I did manage to learn and retain is that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. So till today I always try to take straight routes if they are available. I know that while twists and turns and detours may be good for a story line, they are definitely not the best for me in terms of time and petrol.  Take a trip with me along any river you know and you will notice that that particular maths truth is lost on the river. The rivers simply do not look for a straight path; they look for one without obstruction. The river is all curves and twists and it takes at least twice the required time to get to its destination. But then who is checking the time for a r

Although it is the mother-in-law that is often at the receiving end of many jokes, we must not forget the other side – the daughter-in-law. There can’t be one without the other. As the saying goes, ‘It takes two to tango.’ A worthy mother-in-law must realise that there is another woman in her son’s life and that there is no need for competition between them. The spot light now belongs to the new woman in her son’s life. For some mothers, this is a bitter pill to swallow. They don’t believe anyone is good enough for their son, no one can cook his favourite dish like she can, no one can give him the advice he needs to see him through life, and no one can replace her. And it is true. No one can take a mother’s place, but a wise mother should know when to step aside. When I think of the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the comment made by John the Baptist in John 3: 30 comes to mind. He said with reference to Jesus Christ, “He must increase, I decrease.” John

A discussion about in-laws brought this issue back to the front burner of my mind. I always hear jokes about the evil mothers-in-law, even in the church. I once knew a woman who celebrated the demise of our mother-in-law saying that she had finally triumphed over her enemy.  Unfortunately, this narrative of unhealthy relationship with mothers-in-law is the reality for most women. Because of this narrative, many women begin marriage with a negative mind set about mothers-in-law and it thus, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The lament of Job becomes true that, ‘The thing I greatly feared has come upon me, and what I dreaded has happened to me’ (Job 3:25). We may allow what we have heard about terrible mothers-in-law precondition our acceptance, disposition and behaviour to our own mother-in-law or we may decide otherwise. My advice to the unmarried is to have an open mind and to the already married that we can help change the story. We may, perhaps, consider the following ideas

I have often wondered why cases of women abuse continue to abound in the society with the level of feminist consciousness in different shades all over the world. We often castrate men for failing to be involved in raising their children or for being absentee fathers. That means we, as women, have the unique opportunity to teach our sons the values that we love in our husbands or those we like but do not see in them.   We have the opportunity to teach our sons to be godly and exemplary men in the society. So why does women abuse continue? These men were raised by women – by women! Are we women raising our sons to become men who maltreat women? What is wrong with the way we are raising our sons and more importantly; what can we do to correct the situation? Below are some stories of how sons have turned out as grown-ups with regards to their relationship with women. Please read and lend your voice to the situation and give suggestions on what can be done. Story 1 Margret is a

Hello everyone. I hope you all had a lovely week. Thank you for your comments after reading the posts. If you haven't been doing so, please do comment. It gives us an opportunity to explore issues further. So last week we looked at the issue of being a married single parent and its inherent problems and I promised that we will explore solutions or ways to navigate this special terrain of marriage and parenthood. As complicated as the problem may be, I believe the solution may be simpler than we think. The keys, I believe, are commitment, communication and perseverance.   With these in place any marriage should stand the test of time. A relationship is like a plant that requires tending from time to time. Marriage is for the long haul which can't be achieved without perseverance. The extent to which spouses are committed to marriage will determine the level of investment they put into it. Yes, marriage like any investment requires careful planning especially when couples l

A female is often categorised as a girl or a woman; as old or young; married, single, divorced or widowed. It is expected that a woman will be one of these at one point or the other in her lifetime.  Categories in the marital status group are considered mutually exclusive; it is not expected that you will be in two categories at the same   time. You are either married or single. You can’t be married and single, right? Wrong! Times are changing and more and more people are finding themselves in this category these days for various reasons. The singleness in this case is different from the type we are used to where one parent is not in the picture because there are relational problems and so the parents are not married. In this case, the parents are in a marriage union but live apart with only one parent being with the children on a daily basis while the other parent only visits from time to time. Usually it is the mother who gets to stay with the children while the father visits. M