Mothers-in-law


A discussion about in-laws brought this issue back to the front burner of my mind. I always hear jokes about the evil mothers-in-law, even in the church. I once knew a woman who celebrated the demise of our mother-in-law saying that she had finally triumphed over her enemy.  Unfortunately, this narrative of unhealthy relationship with mothers-in-law is the reality for most women.

Because of this narrative, many women begin marriage with a negative mind set about mothers-in-law and it thus, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The lament of Job becomes true that, ‘The thing I greatly feared has come upon me, and what I dreaded has happened to me’ (Job 3:25). We may allow what we have heard about terrible mothers-in-law precondition our acceptance, disposition and behaviour to our own mother-in-law or we may decide otherwise. My advice to the unmarried is to have an open mind and to the already married that we can help change the story. We may, perhaps, consider the following ideas to help improve relationships with our mothers-in-laws or better still get off to a good start if just getting married:

1.     Delete, erase negative preconceived ideas. Not all mothers-in-law are in cohort with Satan, some of them are angels.  Don’t begin your marriage expecting the worst.

2.    For the married, it is possible to start afresh even if you have had a rough ride so far.  Don't wait for your mother- in-law to be nice; you can start the new chain. When we desire or pray for change, it should begin with us. 


3.    Pray; ask God for help. Pray for favour and wisdom that you will be loved as a daughter and be ready to behave like one.

4.    Concentrate on pleasing God. He will sort put the rest even if she has evil intentions towards you. If the ways of a man pleases the Lord, He makes even his enemy to be at peace with him (Proverbs 16:7).

5.    Remember you will be a mother-in-law one day too. Treat yours like you want to be treated in future. And your mum is a mother-in-law to someone, treat yours like mum.


6.    Observe and respect the family traditions so far they are not life threatening. Many daughters-in-law feel too educated, too sophisticated, or too accomplished to show honour to their in laws and they wonder why they have problems.

I have always wondered why the ‘leaving to cleave’ order is directed at the man. Perhaps it is because a woman has the capacity to belong fully to two families at the same time. So it is possible to have space in our hearts for two mothers. Let’s change the narrative.


Comments

  1. Unknown14 July 2019 at 11:03

    Law of God is sowing and reaping. When we sow love, we reap peace and good relationship. Mother-in-law should accept daughter-in-law as her own daughter in the fear of God. Similarly daughter-in-law should learn to stoop to conquer. With God and our determination to make things work, success is certain.

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  2. Unknown14 July 2019 at 14:22

    To create relationships and learn the cultures might help but the main thing is to fear God. If the mother-in-law is a woman of God, she will take her daughter-in-law as her own, and all will be well by His grace.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8 January 2020 at 02:23

    Love, fear of God, tolerance, patience and above all wisdom to handle issues otherwise known as the Spirit of counsel are the ingredients we ladies need to ask for in the issue of coping with in-laws, especially mums in-laws. We will also become one sooner or later. So we should be careful and handle things with maturity.

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