Daughters-in-law

Although it is the mother-in-law that is often at the receiving end of many jokes, we must not forget the other side – the daughter-in-law. There can’t be one without the other. As the saying goes, ‘It takes two to tango.’

A worthy mother-in-law must realise that there is another woman in her son’s life and that there is no need for competition between them. The spot light now belongs to the new woman in her son’s life. For some mothers, this is a bitter pill to swallow. They don’t believe anyone is good enough for their son, no one can cook his favourite dish like she can, no one can give him the advice he needs to see him through life, and no one can replace her. And it is true. No one can take a mother’s place, but a wise mother should know when to step aside.

When I think of the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the comment made by John the Baptist in John 3: 30 comes to mind. He said with reference to Jesus Christ, “He must increase, I decrease.” John’s ministry may not always be in the spot light but it will always remain relevant because it fulfilled its mandate to prepare the way for Christ. It is the same for the ministry of a mother-in-law. The focus should be on preparing the son (and daughter) to become a responsible, matured man to fulfill his God-given destiny. If that mandate has been fulfilled faithfully by God’s grace, then the mother should step aside from the spot light to enjoy the rewards of her labour of love. We do not own our children, we hold them in trust for God.

However, some daughters-in-law will remain obstinate no matter how nice the mother-in-law. So what’s a mother-in-law to do? My suggestion is to keep loving her as one would an obstinate biological daughter. And we do get some of those. I have noticed that nasty daughters-in-laws are often nasty to their own mothers as well. They are often insecure and see the mother-in-law as the opposition to defeat or overshadow. Sometimes having a candid talk with her to reassure her that she is accepted as a daughter may do the trick.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice except in extreme cases. Leave your daughter-in-law to raise her children her way. Do it your way when they visit you and don’t criticise her to your son and grandchildren; it will backfire. Acceptance is at the heart of every relationship that works. So accept her for who she is.

It has been said that money answers all things. I believe that love also answers all things. In fact when money tires out, love keeps going. Your love for your son and grandchildren should be a motivating factor for love and acceptance.  

Both mothers and daughters must realise that they have a lot in common. They need to live in harmony for the sake of the man in the lives, if they truly love him.

I Bi Dem