HELP

We have two dogs in the family. They are from the same litter i.e. they were born the same day of the same mother. That is where their similarity stops, they couldn't be any different if they tried. For starters, one is a male, the other female and they look totally different; one with black curly fur, the other brown straight low-lying fur.  People find it difficult to believe that they are from the same parents. Their differences do not stop with physical appearances; behaviour wise, they are also opposites. Bella, that is the female barks a lot, won't move close to people and generally has a mind of her own. Anakin, her brother loves to be given belly rubs, moves close to people and will hardly bark. Without Anakin it would seem like we have guard dogs instead of dogs to play with and without Bella, anyone may just walk into our house. These two dogs serve different purposes and thinking that one is better than the other would rob us of enjoying these wonderful dogs. Training Anakin is a walk in the park while Bella seems to have no regard for commands. Imagine what will happen if we try to get Bella to obey every command when she already excels at alerting us to all that goes on around us by barking. Or perhaps force Anakin to bark instead of obeying commands when he moves close to people. We realised quickly that we would be fighting a losing battle and so we decided to let them be. They are both unique and special in their different ways. Comparing them will yield no positive result. It is amazing how easy it is to let dogs do what they are best at even when it seems to go against what we believe dogs should be. The story may be different when it relates to us as mothers, wives and women. I wonder how many times we were told as children to behave like so, so and so.  As hurtful as those comments were, it is amazing that we repeat the same to our     children. We must realise that people are different. Even identical twins!  I believe God uses a mould once and then breaks it. Science supports this; no two finger prints are the same. So why do we want to produce clones of our children or become one ourselves. Like Anakin and Bella, children from the mother can be very different. The question to ask is if different is bad. I think not. Different becomes what one makes of it; it may become a point of celebration or strife and heartache. Some parents see no good in a child who does not do well in the sciences and so such a child is pushed hard to succeed in something he is not good at. We push our children to excel at mediocrity. Our aim should be to direct our children to the areas of their strengths and not weakness where they will have to work twice as hard to obtain mediocre achievements.Note that the key word here is area of strength and not what one likes to do. After so many years of wanting to be someone else, it becomes difficult to differentiate between what one is good at and what one likes to do. For example, a child may say that she likes to do maths but still scores at most 60% for all her efforts. The fact may be that she has equated her fondness for it with the positive response she gets from her parents when she spends a lot of time working sums. So she spends a lot of time with her area of weakness or mediocrity and neglects her areas of strength perhaps in the areas of arts or the humanities. In the end. She fails to excel in anything and she goes through life, believing that that is the best she can be.    This narrative does not affect only our children but even we as women. Start with something as ordinary as dressing. Have you seen how many women dress to look like so, so and so and fail to take their body shape into consideration?  I wonder how many women actually do what they like or are good at instead of what they are expected to do. Many have been forced to pursue careers that are socially acceptable and end up going to work as if going for punishment or a chore. Macbeth in Act 2 Scene 3 of Shakespearean Macbeth states thus:  “The labour we delight in physics pain.” Which means that the work we enjoy is not really work but a joy. Can we dare to pursue such? Can we dare to start dreaming again of those things we once thought of doing; those things that we are really good at; those thing that fill us with joy and energy? Can we? I bet we can. We can begin to seek prayerfully outlets for those gifts and talents we’ve buried deep within.  We may be surprised that the world is waiting for us to come out and be ourselves, to excel at what we are good at and stop been mediocre at what circumstances may have made us be. And it is never too late to bloom. Let’s do the same for our children by not comparing them to others and by giving them opportunities to discover and use their gifts responsibly. Have a wonderful week ahead.    I Bi Dem