I Bi Dem: Woman, Wife, Mother

Hello everyone. I hope you all had a lovely week. Thank you for your comments after reading the posts. If you haven't been doing so, please do comment. It gives us an opportunity to explore issues further. So last week we looked at the issue of being a married single parent and its inherent problems and I promised that we will explore solutions or ways to navigate this special terrain of marriage and parenthood. As complicated as the problem may be, I believe the solution may be simpler than we think. The keys, I believe, are commitment, communication and perseverance.   With these in place any marriage should stand the test of time. A relationship is like a plant that requires tending from time to time. Marriage is for the long haul which can't be achieved without perseverance. The extent to which spouses are committed to marriage will determine the level of investment they put into it. Yes, marriage like any investment requires careful planning especially when couples l...

A female is often categorised as a girl or a woman; as old or young; married, single, divorced or widowed. It is expected that a woman will be one of these at one point or the other in her lifetime.  Categories in the marital status group are considered mutually exclusive; it is not expected that you will be in two categories at the same   time. You are either married or single. You can’t be married and single, right? Wrong! Times are changing and more and more people are finding themselves in this category these days for various reasons. The singleness in this case is different from the type we are used to where one parent is not in the picture because there are relational problems and so the parents are not married. In this case, the parents are in a marriage union but live apart with only one parent being with the children on a daily basis while the other parent only visits from time to time. Usually it is the mother who gets to stay with the children while the father vi...

Today is Mother’s Day and I'd like to pay tribute to all the women in my life. I am one of the fortunate few who can be referred to as ‘oniya pupo.’ It simply means that I have many mothers. At a time in my life, I could decide where to sleep, play or eat. You see, apart from having a mum, I had two grandmothers and a great- grandmother and many aunties who doubled as mothers. I grew up among strong women; women who understood their mission as women, wives and mothers. Today, I salute them all. Today, I salute mothers in different categories; biological, adoptive, step, foster, single, in-law and mothers in waiting.  We often forget that it is not just the physical act of pregnancy that makes one a mother but playing the role of nurturing a life and of raising a child does too. Although some women have never experienced pregnancy or been in the labour room, they are mothers and without them many children’s lives would have been miserable. I salute biological mothe...

You must have heard that experience is the best teacher. It is often said in the light of one making a mistake and learning from the process. I have often wondered why I need to learn from my mistakes when I can learn from other people’s mistakes. So I love to study people; to ask what they are doing right or wrong, what I may emulate from them and those things I must avoid. For this reason, I enjoy reading biographies and autobiographies. There is something about reading about another person’s life story to get you a new perspective on yours. You may suddenly realise how privileged you are in spite of the many issues in your life; gain a new idea on solving an old problem; realise that your problem is not unique to you; that other people survived and so can you. It opens up a whole new world of opportunities. I challenge you to read one and reflect on the experience.  And so I love character studies in the bible. It is interesting that God did not put in only the he...

  We have always been told and rightly so, that anger is bad and that being angry is dangerous to one’s health and that of others. One does not have to think too deeply before examples of people who have reacted angrily in different situations have ended up destroying themselves and others. Take for example, a husband or wife who kills the spouse in a rage or sets all academic certificates ablaze in a fit of anger. Examples can go on and on. Religious leaders warn us about anger, saying it is a sin that will lead to hell. Verses abound in the Bible about the dangers of been an angry person. An angry man is equated to a foolish man (Ecclesiastes 7:9). A fully enraged person is incapable of thinking logically and coherently. According to Proverbs, an angry person is like a city without walls; without defense . It seems nothing good can come out of anger. I beg to differ under some circumstances. I contend that anger if well controlled can achieve great things. Anger is ...

We have two dogs in the family. They are from the same litter i.e. they were born the same day of the same mother. That is where their similarity stops, they couldn't be any different if they tried. For starters, one is a male, the other female and they look totally different; one with black curly fur, the other brown straight low-lying fur.  People find it difficult to believe that they are from the same parents. Their differences do not stop with physical appearances; behaviour wise, they are also opposites. Bella, that is the female barks a lot, won't move close to people and generally has a mind of her own. Anakin, her brother loves to be given belly rubs, moves close to people and will hardly bark. Without Anakin it would seem like we have guard dogs instead of dogs to play with and without Bella, anyone may just walk into our house. These two dogs serve different purposes and thinking that one is better than the other would rob us of enjoying these wonderful dogs...

RECALCULATING DISCIPLINE Deserving of recalculation is the way we discipline our children. A student noted in his speech that he was glad that physical beating is labelled a crime in classrooms and implored parents to also put an end to it in their homes. He labelled it as abuse of children. It was a wonderful well-thought out speech borne out of a personal experience of receiving discipline through the use of belts and I could feel his pain.   Many of us are so eager to tell our children that they must obey as instructed in Eph 6: 1-3 but so conveniently forget the next verse which says: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” As a mother, I have given discipline through the ‘abuse’ channel and I have had course to recalculate my actions retrospectively.   A verse that I have heard quoted in support of beating is Proverbs 22:15 (NKJV)   Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child...